Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
