I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
