Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
