Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
