Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
