1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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