Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
God, I missed his penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
