Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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