When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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