One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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