Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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