ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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