I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
