JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
