Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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