i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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