piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
