I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
handjob tips. give me some.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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