on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
