Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
