If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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