He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
