can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
