I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
