I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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