her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
