I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
