I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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