ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If that was your dad, he is hot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
