Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
