so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
