Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
