it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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