i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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