bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
