There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
