Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
