I just made out with a guy for $7.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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