I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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