The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
