so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
