At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
