Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
