we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
