Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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