Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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