There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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