You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
