You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
