I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
