It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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