i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
