All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
